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Live If I Breathe (ft. MattAlmodiel)

from Arrivals by jason chu

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    The physical Arrivals album comes as a special-edition 22-page unbound magazine. 11 cards each feature a previously-unpublished photograph from my childhood and travels illustrating a track on the album, and on the reverse is a poem, quote, or story further exploring that song's theme - only found here, never to be reproduced elsewhere!

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lyrics

VERSE 1
Tired of feelin weak, too tired to not repeat
Starin at the mirror, I fear everything I see
Haunted by all my dreams (*), razor sing me to sleep
Either that or anything to maybe get through to me
Cheated on, cheated on her (*), try to cope, pills and porn, fill my home
I feel far gone, where is God? I thank God, pop don’t got, no hand guns, in the house,
If he does I might not make it past Fall
And if prozac and prayers don’t manage, I pretend that my heart still beats undamaged [heartbeat sound]
All the lil grudges, bad habits, lil packets, packs of matches, lil cuts from lil scissors hidden in the highest cabnets, ah!
They whisper lies, (so many lies), sweet little lies
Tellin me my family is better off if I die,
I been choked by the fight, but I know, I can write
And if my words breathe for me maybe I’ll be alive

(I live if I breathe)
(Live if I…)
(I live if I - breathe)

VERSE 2
If silence is a curse
Words can be prayers
If my heart is a hearse
These verses are rebirth.
Hear me out, full of doubt, fear of crowds, full of fears I can’t share with my mom, but I can write for my peers
These are psalms, these are hymns, as I bare myself, new peace draws near
Hope of a future I don’t see, but I dream it
Despite my darkest secrets, I (lit a light and found my freedom
Needy and out) of control, but I found a way to adjust
Guilt was crowdin my soul, I had to (give it all up)
Afraid of lettin it go, that fear was rippin me up
Had to stop relivin the past so the present don’t pass me up (uh)

.I learned to listen, then learned to speak
(I learned to love, by learnin to receive,) yea
I learn to listen, and learn to speak
(I learn to love, by learnin to receive,) yea

VERSE 3
And now my story recorded shows the hope and the courage
That I always had inside of me even though I ignored it
Tearin up at my Mac, as I look back on my voyage:
From the teenage depression, adolescent sensitive horror
In the dark for so long, I forgot to look for the light
I felt abandoned and left, I didn’t know what was right
Now I write what I write, for your healing, for your sight
For your hope, for your home, for your future (so you can fight)
And I know you think you’re the only one
To feel like (the only one)
Who’s had to walk this journey alone
But I wrote you this poem, and I fit these words to a song
To let you know: (struggle’s just a part of the growth!)
And I GOT through the cutting, and I’m FAcing my problems
And I STILL got some issues but I’ve STArted unsubSCRIbing
I’m a broken kid with dreams and a story to tell
And I know you got your story as well, now inhale, let it breathe

credits

from Arrivals, released September 2, 2016
Produced by Joe Kye and DansonnBeats
Engineered by Sean Stack at Fat Cat Studio (Sacramento)
Written and performed by jason chu, Matthew Almodiel
Additional vocals by Emily Chen

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jason chu Los Angeles, California

I make rap music + speak on what I believe in.

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