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A story about a Christian man who realizes that he is also gay. Inspired by my friend.


Peter goes to first Presbyterian says his prayers
Prays for his parents cuz Satan doesn't play fair
When he walks down the street nobody stops or stares
All American boy is what he seems to his neighbors
His parents raised him to love and obey God
He goes to church every week just to praise God
Boy Scouts, summer camps, got a summer job
Worked hard, bought a car, high school prom
Not a jock or a nerd, he's in both circles
Plays guitar a little bit - the girls think he's soulful
Always helpful - friendly - considerate
His friends know they could trust him with anything
But can the same be said for them?
Because Peter has a secret that he's keepin in
Began to wonder why he's never had a real girlfriend
Started to realize he's actually attracted, to men

He has, questions for God, without easy answers; and,
sometimes he wonders - what if God's just a cancer? He,
waits for faith to replace the doubt
And wonders if he'll ever get it worked out.

In the beginning, he didn't admit it, even to himself
Tried to hide it, he wouldn't confide in anybody else
Watched some porn on the internet, he tried to get aroused
Couldn't do it, it was stupid, so he tried to shut it out
Tried to reason with himself - always heard it was a choice
So he tried to choose diffrent, and just BE, one of the boys
Hanging out after practice, hearing jokes about fags
coming out, and in his eyes there was a little hint of doubt
Doesn't know how he should act - he's never known a gay person
in his whole life, does he have to wear a dress?
Psychologically a mess, 'cause his psyche is repressed
He always heard it was a sin to be attracted to a man
He's confused - he really didn't ask for this life
All his life, he prayed one day he'd find a Godly wife
But those dreams seem distant and he wonders what he did
Why him - why this - God, do you still listen, in?

So he sits in the church on Sunday
He toys with the idea - could it all just go away?
Maybe if I don't act on it then I could find escape
Maybe things will all change if I just keep on praying
.And he wonders if he'll ever find love
So he cries out to God - are you listening above?
This is who I am, I don't know if I can change it
But I'm here to listen if you're speaking in my language?
Now he notices, every single time
someone mentions homosexuality like it's a crime
So many sermons that he hears just drive him away
But he knows "God is love" - so he clings to his, faith
Peter goes to first Presbyterian, still saying prayers
He prays for his parents - Satan doesn't play fair
When he walks down the street, nobody stops or stares
All-American boy is what he seems to his neighbors.


from Much Love., released November 30, 2012
Rapping, engineering, mixing, mastering by jason chu
Produced by Elyon Beats
Additional engineering by Andy Chian Chen




jason chu Los Angeles, California

Speaking hope, healing, and justice in a broken world.


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