Red Lines

from Millennial by jason chu

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watch OH LORD on YouTube: y2u.be/DT1tXPVPnLM

lyrics

Verse 1
How many nights have I been up late?
Alone and frustrated, overly medicated, my head is aching, I can't get to sleepin so I'm still awake
Thoughts are racing and my blood is pumping heavily, I'm far from heavenly
I'm only human, I'm only broken, the only mutant in this family
Mom and dad are mad at me: their bastard son with a catastrophe
My pastor pleads and says that problems need to be solved with peace plans, but I can't receive that
Now I'm searching through the house
For anything that's sharp enough to pierce this cloud that I'm surrounded in
From the kitchen to the office, shocking how much has changed since I was toddlin
Up these stairs, now I'm lockin the door to the room that I grew up in
I just drank some whiskey - what is this stuff
It burns but it feels good, my stomach churns,
now I'm looking in the mirror, looking at myself
I don't even move my hand, it moves itself

Chorus
None of you can save me from myself
I look strong but I'm far from perfect health
Red lines, red lines
Red lines, red lines
Everyone knows I'm a cry for help
Locked doors and I'm cuttin everybody out
Red lines, red lines
Red lines, red lines

Verse 2
I cut myself tonight, and it hurt
Now I'm in the bathroom, trying to hide a bloody shirt
I was nervous, but now the tension's gone
When my parents come home I'll just tell them I did my homework
At school, my friends and teachers are concerned, but I've learned
if I insist that everything is all right, they'll mind their own business, and I can hide in plain sight
It's a cycle that I'm on and honestly I'm afraid that I'll be pedaling til I'm gone, I'm trying to sound alarms
But my friends already know that I'm artistic on my arms plus I'm a ticking time bomb, or am I just a drama whore who missed attention from his momma
I don't know how I can stop, now I'm ready to blow up, I need to bleed to feed the urge
that seizes me won't let me sleep, now I'm creeping out from under sheets and sneaking past the hallway: creaking boards, beeping laundry machine, my daddy's asleep while I'm seeking a means for release
I always wonder if I'll go too far, but that hasn't come yet, so I keep on doing this….

Chorus

Verse 3
I'm an addict, and my drug is hard to swallow
The pills that I pop are not prescriptions, you'll never find them in a bottle
I don't know what tomorrow holds, I barely have today
But I'm halfway through this day and standin stronger than the pain
Now I've learned that just because I've given in, that doesn't mean I have to give up
yeah, I can still get back up
I'll put this knife down, and I won't pick it back up
No matter how much bad luck can stack up, I'm moving forward, I'm moving forward, I'm moving forward.
I'm moving forward!
uh

End Chorus
Will you be there if I cry for help?
Maybe I don't have to do this all by myself
Red lines, red lines
Red lines, red lines
I feel alone but I'm reachin out
Learned I don't have to listen to my doubts
Red lines, red lines
Red lines, red lines